CelebrityTweets

"All of them had hair of gold, like the Nazis, the youngest one in curls" (Brady Theme First Draft)

The guy who coined "put that in your pipe & smoke it" was probably trying to find out if something on the carpet was weed.

My muffin hasn’t had a cherry since 1939—from SNL skit

I'm a simple man. I start every day with a cup of joe, the morning paper, and a lavender Pan-Asiatic body scrub from my man-servant, Lobo.

"Wanna listen to The Grateful Dead?" "No, I'm just gonna make myself dizzy then linger by this fat guy's armpit.

It is very hard to flirt with a girl at the drugstore who is buying a pregnancy test. I see that now.

When I go on dates I ask for separate checks. I still pay for everything, I just want her to see what it would've cost her.